I don't even know anymore..

Everything I do is wrong. 

Lately I’m just looking at my life and can’t help but think what the heck I’m doing with it.

Why am I in school? Why am I singing in church? Why am I friends with certain people? Why do I like certain shows or read certain books? Why am I single? Why why why why why do I make all these decisions that ALWAYS seem to be the wrong one in other people’s eyes?

I mean, is it me? Or is it them?

I don’t even know what I want anymore. I know what makes me happy… 

Aren’t the things that make you happy also be the things that you want?

ugh. 

Everything is in chaos in my mind right now. I know what I want to do, and I want to go after it, but I’m scared that people are just going to judge me.

…so then that makes me not want anything to do with it. 

I want to be happy.

I want to make other people happy as well. 

But my happiness is tainted by guilt. Because I might just be wrong.

I want to move on with my life but I can’t because something’s holding me back. 

Maybe letting everything go for good will help me move on but I can’t. I’m constantly second guessing myself these days because I have everyone’s voices in my head. I don’t even know who’s right and who’s wrong anymore.

THERE’S TOO MANY.

*sigh*

Sometimes I just want someone to look at me and say

“Hey Eunice, I appreciate you. I’m proud of who you are and who you choose to be. I’m proud of the person you’ve become and the person you are going to be. You ARE doing the right thing. I know you’re in a shaky place right now but whatever you decide to do with your life, I’ll support you. I’m here.”

If only.

*cue this song*